7/18/10

I haven’t written in a very long time. I’ve been uninspired, over worked, and have had A LOT going on in my life. I’ve had so much going on internally and externally that I have just been going on auto-pilot for the last several months. I have felt spiritually numb, undirected, disconnected from God and have felt my ability to calm my mind slipping away with every day I don’t take time to meditate.

I have a paychic/spiritual healer I see when the crows tell me to go. Yes, the crows tell me to. Normally crows aren’t all up in my business, but when it’s time for me to see Christine, they sit on my fence and stare at me, land right in front of me and stare at me, and randomly walk right in the center of foot paths and driveways. It may sound silly, but it’s what happens, and they are always right.

So, per the crows demand, I emailed Christine. We find a time, we meet, and I tell her what has been going on with me and how discombobulated I have been and she says to me “Like maybe it’s not you?’” And me being who I am, I am reluctant to shun responsibility for my actions and say, “well, I certainly haven’t felt like myself” In short, she tells me that I may have spirits clinging to me who are lost. Interesting. No disrespect here, but what the fuck? I have fucking spirits stuck to me??? How the fuck does that happen? At any rate we go about getting these lost ones home. I won’t bore you with all the details, mostly because I don’t feel like writing that much, and it’s not like anyone is reading thing blog anyway.... fuckers. Just kidding. I digress.

We go about getting the lost ones home and I am required to channel for them. This is something I have never done before in my life. But I feel changes coming on that are changing me in ways I never imagined. Actually, that’s not really true. I have imagined them, I’ve imagined them explicitly, and now they are happening. Channeling was an very real and surreal experience at the same time. It was just as though I were talking to a friend and stranger. It was clear to me what they were saying, and that at times they didn’t know how to put what they were feeling into words but I could also very clearly feel what they were feeling.

At any rate, since that healing I have felt more grounded and directed than I have in a very long time. I feel WAY more connected to the Universe and feel like I have regained my ability to listen to it. I have connected more deeply to my spirit guides and we talk almost every day. They made me promise to meditate every day, twice a day. And I was doing well with that until I went to Philadelphia for a self defense instructors conference. And now I need to get back on that horse.

In one meditation I was asked to envision myself in 10 years. I was relieved to see that I had not aged a ton, but you could tell I was older. I had something on my nose, like a scar, or growth or something. The hit I got on that was that it was from not wearing sunscreen. But I was on a farm/compound/piece of land. There were lots of animals, a house, barn, studio and lots and lots of space to train. It was like an outdoor kung fu school. I was pleased to see this, and asked “But how am I paying for this?” in return I got a very clear and emphatic “BOOKS!” I was like ‘what the fuck?’ seriously? Books? But I’m not a writer!! Whatever. Despite the fact that I have been told by three psychics that I am going to write a book, and now my spirit guides, I still don’t see how that is going to happen. But what the fuck ever, they have my best interests at heart, and would never steer me wrong. I just don’t know what I’m going to write about... see, now they’re saying “that isn’t true! You have many ideas!” And, in fact, that is true. So, here I go. Where this journey is going to take me, I have no fucking idea. But, I’m on it, and ready to learn all I can from it. It’s funny how we need some poignant or delineated experience to make us feel like we have direction, when in fact, we are always on our path wherever we are. We are always, always, ALWAYS doing exactly what we need to be doing to let our lives unfold the way they are supposed to. Even when, and perhaps even especially, when we feel lost and misguided. It is usually only in those moments we are poised to listen more carefully guidance. OK, I’m done for now. Peace out.